RANDOM STARTIING

1 January 2021

HI

I'm soad

I'm turning 20 next march 

well it's 2021💃 and I decided to write down my story To whoever will read it 

I hope you found it interesting or boring I don't really care

Yup that's exactly the very first thing I decided to do this year

stop giving a shit about what others think, say 

Or even what they think is that they advise me 

and that they're tryin' to guide me to the right path PLA PLA PLA

and ask them so politely to go and FUCK THEMSELVES 

and yah  I'm pretty sure I can say that in a polite way lol

I hate the fact that I just cured I've always hated cursing and People who curse a lot.

 

My hate journey began with my father 

I grow up with Religious parents *Or as they were claiming*

If there were a list of the best Frustrated critics ,my father would be among the top 10 

The day he go and praises somebody it is an legendary day 

and my mom she is another story, but hey if I'm gonna talk about her

with all the Bullying and controlling and the emotional draining and the toxicity 

And how we must do all what she ask us to Otherwise, our life will turn into a worldly punishment, and we will be thrown into Hell ?

MAN.....  i'mma need months

But I won't

I won't bc of the good old days sake 

and the very few times that they really acted like normal parents

CUZ childhood was not so bad not so great 

and no hard feelings nah seriously non of it , at all omg did I said that? wow!

I'm surprised that i reached This stage of peace

I would be lying if I said I never hated them cuz i did 

hey LITTERLY Get an eleven-year-old girl to seriously think about suicide

I did not write this to spread the ball and bring back the painful memories

but because it is time for the wounds to heal and to move on.

mom .. Dad I forgive you ,AND this is the last time I'll be mentioning You in this blog.

anywho 

I'm a hottie gorgeous beautiful proud Sudanese girl and it took me to long to realize because of my whole goddamn collection of insecurities 

I was born and raised Saudi Arabia

back then It was a society of oppression and its control especially over women, and some of it are still the same 

I studied there elementary and meddle school and refresh year of high school before we moved to Sudan

From middle school to high school, girls are forced to wear an abaya "head abaya" , and it is completely covered the body from the top of the head to the toe to look just like a batman.

Saudi Arabia is a huge country where tribes, clans and families differ

I have always been asked about my family name because it is important

and may determine the amount of respect that may be given to you

and because they thought I was Saudi.

- What is your family name?

= My family?

- Your family, i mean like Anzi family, the Sarhani family, and the Saqri family

= Oh, I don't have any

- This is impossible for every Saudi has a family name

= that's because I am not Saudi

- you're kidding? then what are you!

= S...s..Sudanese *with faint distrustful voice*

*awkward silence*

- Oh, but your color is light and you're hair is soft that's strange

= * Feeling Flattered *

This conversation was repeated a thousand times a year 

I was feeling happy because I did not look like Sudanese girls 

or should I say :

the typical stereotype of the Sudanese girl 

*Dark skin, 4c hair full of strong-smelling oil, unpopular, academically good* 

Since elementary school, all I have in mind was "Escape from your African origin. Escape from any question about nationalities because you will end up being either a Bullied on her or being alone.